Submit to One Another Out of Reverence for Christ
In Ephesians chapter 5 the Lord commands us to be imitators of God as his dearly loved children. In the rest of chapters 5 and 6 the Apostle Paul gives us some very specific applications of what it means to be imitators of God. This morning, we are going to focus specifically on the end of chapter 5 and the beginning of chapter 6. In 5:21 Paul tells us that part of walking in the love of Christ is submitting to one another. This is not a command that our sinful natures want to hear. Our sinful natures hate the idea of submitting. We love to be selfish. Our natural inclination is not to put the needs of others first, but instead to look to our own wants and desires first. We do not want to submit to others; we want others to submit to us.
One of the important things to remember as we consider this section of Scripture is that the Apostle Paul is sharing with us God’s ideal plan for Christian marriage and Christian life in general. We are never going to achieve this ideal this side of heaven. We are sinners who live in a fallen world. Husbands are going to fail in their duty to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and wives will fail to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. We all daily fail to submit and serve one another in love. It is only by the death of our perfect selfless Savior that we have been forgiven of all of these sins. It is because we have been born again through the waters of baptism that we strive each day to live in submission to each other.
Think of how Jesus summarized God’s law: love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself. Christian love means that we are going to put the needs of others before our own needs and live a life of service. Paul illustrates this love by offering specific advice on how husbands, wives, parents, and children are to love and submit to one another. The general principle of submitting to one another applies to all people. No matter our vocation or life situation we are called to selflessly serve one another in love. A Christian marriage gives us a beautiful picture of how the selfless love of Christ is to be reflected in our lives. Because there is so much in this section of Ephesians we are going to work through these verses together this morning. I invite you to follow along in Ephesians chapter 5 as we learn what it means to submit to one another in love.
5:22Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.
Paul begins by giving God’s expectations for wives. Our modern world does not like to hear the word submit, especially when it deals with the relationship between men and women. The world demands perfect equality and equity between the sexes. Paul reminds us that God created humanity in a particular way. God created Adam first and then Eve. God assigned the role of headship to man and the role of helper to woman. God intended this to be a perfect and harmonious relationship with each member complementing the other. However, when Adam and Eve fell into sin, they destroyed God’s perfect creation and brought sin, death, and pain into the world. The harmonious relationship between men and women was also ruined. Women seek to usurp the role of headship that God has given to men, and men seek to dominate and rule over women. God says to Eve in Genesis 3:16, “Your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you.”
5:23For the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he himself is the Savior. 5:24Moreover, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.
In these verses, Paul says that the relationship between a husband and wife is like the relationship between Christ and the church. Wives are to submit to their husbands in all things just like the church submits to the rule and authority of Christ. The church is willing to submit to Christ’s rule because it knows that Christ will always do what is best for the church. Christ’s rule is not burdensome or abusive, but instead is a rule of perfect selfless love. This is the expectation that Paul has for husbands: they are to love their wives the same way Christ loved the church. They are to carry out their role of headship always putting the needs of their wives first and serving in selfless love.
As members of the church of Christ, we know that we do not always submit to the will of Christ. We daily sin and break God’s commands. We selfishly seek to fulfill our own wants and desires. In the same way, husbands and wives do not follow God’s plan for marriage. Wives do not submit to their husbands when they are exercising their authority in a godly way, and husbands do not selflessly put the needs of their wives first.
God clearly does not want wives to submit to their husbands when they are doing things contrary to his will. Nor does God want husbands to use their authority in an abusive or domineering manner.
5:25Husbands, love your wives, in the same way as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
After commanding wives to submit to their husbands Paul then commands husbands to love their wives in the same way that Christ loved the church. Husbands are to show complete and total sacrificial love to their wives. Paul emphasizes that a godly husband will make decisions for his household that always put the needs of his wife first. He is to live selflessly and is willing to sacrifice everything for his wife including his own life. Husbands, we know that we have not lived up to this standard. We have not loved our wives selflessly. We are often selfish and put our own needs and desires first. We do not exercise our authority in the way that Christ does for his church which always puts the needs of others first. We have failed to be imitators of Christ.
5:26to make her holy, by cleansing her with the washing of water in connection with the Word. 5:27He did this so that he could present her to himself as a glorious church, having no stain or wrinkle or any such thing, but so that she would be holy and blameless.
In these verses, Paul beautifully reminds us of the selfless love our Savior has shown to us. By nature, we are dirty and filthy sinners. There is nothing in our natures that is pleasing to our God. But Christ in his great mercy lowered himself and took on our humanity. He lived a life of perfect, selfless love that always put the needs of others first. He did this most fully when he offered his holy perfect life as a sacrifice for our sins. He did this to make us holy. Through the water of baptism, we are connected to the death and resurrection of our Savior. Notice in verse twenty-seven that all the work is done by Christ. We could do nothing to make ourselves presentable to him. Instead, he washed and cleansed us so that we could be free of any stain or wrinkle of sin. The death of Jesus Christ has made us holy and blameless. The death of Jesus has fully paid for all the times that we have not submitted to others in Christ. The death of Jesus has cleansed us of all the times we have failed to live as husbands and wives according to the will of God. We are forgiven of all our sins and stand before our Savior as his radiant and holy bride.
5:28In the same way, husbands have an obligation to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 5:29To be sure, no one has ever hated his own body, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 5:30because we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. 5:31“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will be one flesh.” 5:32This is a great mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church. 5:33In any case, each one of you also is to love his wife as himself, and each wife is to respect her husband.
In these final verses, Paul reminds us that when a man and woman are united in marriage, they become one flesh. Because of this, a husband should love his wife because she is part of his body. This sounds self-serving but it is not. This echoes God’s command that we are to love our neighbors as ourselves. Paul is making the comparison between a head and a body. A head would not deliberately harm its own body because that would be harming itself. In the same way, a husband should selflessly love his wife because she is part of his body.
Finally, Paul tells us this is a great mystery because the proper relationship between husband and wife is only revealed in God’s Word. It is only because we have been born again that we can live our lives in accordance with God’s plan. As Christians, we seek to be imitators of God. We see the amazing and selfless love of our Savior and so we seek to submit to one another in Christ. Wives submit to their husbands, husbands love their wives with the selfless love of our Savior, and we all strive to love one another with the love of our Savior. Each day we struggle to live as God commands and each day we take comfort in the amazing love of our Savior who has washed us and made us holy through his blood. Amen.