09/17/2023
Forgiving Means Not Forgetting
Genesis 50:15-21 15 When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “It may be that Joseph will hate us and will pay us back in full for all of the evil that we did to him.”
16They sent the following message to Joseph: “Before he died your father commanded us, 17‘You are to tell Joseph, “Please forgive the offense of your brothers and their sin, because they did evil to you.”’ Now, please forgive the offense of the servants of the God of your father.”
Joseph wept when they spoke to him.
18His brothers also came and fell down in front of him, and they said, “See now, we are your servants.”
19Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? 20You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring this to pass and to keep many people alive, as it is this day. 21Now therefore, do not be afraid. I will nourish you and your little ones.” He comforted them and spoke to them in a kind way.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32). Amen.
Jacob treated Joseph as his favorite son. He even gave him a coat of many colors to show his favored status over his older brothers. Joseph boasted about his dreams of having his father and brothers bow down to him. All of this caused the older brothers to seethe with anger and resentment.
One day, when Joseph was 17 years old, his dad sent him to check on his brothers while they were out shepherding their flocks. When Joseph came close to his brothers, they tore his technicolor dreamcoat off his body and threw him into an empty cistern. Then the brothers sold their hated sibling to a caravan of travelers heading to Egypt.
Joseph ended up as a slave in Potiphar’s house. In slavery, Joseph blossomed as God blessed his work. Joseph was well built and handsome, so he caught the eye of Potiphar’s wife. She tried to get Joseph to go to bed with her. Joseph refused her advances. So, Mrs. Potiphar falsely accused Joseph of attempted rape.
Joseph was then thrown into prison. Even in prison, Joseph blossomed as God blessed his work for the warden. After some time, Joseph interpreted the dream of the Pharaoh’s cupbearer, whom Joseph correctly predicted would go from the prison to the palace. Joseph told the cupbearer, “Don’t forget about me” … but that’s exactly what happened.
And there he sat for another two years. Think of all the grudges that could have grown so well in the damp, dark dungeon. Against the no-good cupbearer, who forgot about the favor Joseph had done for him. Against Mrs. Potiphar and her Desperate Housewives behavior. But most of all, against his brothers, for selling him into slavery in the first place.
After no one else could interpret Pharaoh’s weird dreams about fat and lean cows and fat and lean grain, the cupbearer remembered Joseph. Joseph interpreted Pharaoh’s dreams and he was elevated from the prisoner in charge of other prisoners to the second in command of all of Egypt. Joseph was immediately put in charge of storing food during the seven fat years of plenty to prepare for the seven lean years of famine.
During the famine, Joseph’s brothers came to Egypt to buy food. Eventually, Joseph revealed himself to his brothers. They were terrified that Joseph has been holding a grudge all these years and they were now going to be thrown in prison … or worse. Joseph didn’t forget what his brothers had done. He just didn’t hold it against them. He forgave them.
Forgiveness means that you’re not keep score. You’re letting it go, giving it to God instead of giving it back to them. You are leaving the scorekeeping to God.
After 17 years, Jacob died. The older brothers again thought that Joseph was going to punish them. “It may be that Joseph will hate us and will pay us back in full for all of the evil that we did to him” (Genesis 50:15). They thought that Joseph was just being nice to them while dear old dad was alive. But now they were going to get it! They sent the following message to Joseph: “Before he died your father commanded us, “You are to tell Joseph, “Please forgive the offense of your brothers and their sin, because they did evil to you.”’ (Genesis 50:16, 17).
Joseph was hurt by their words. He forgave them a long time ago. He forgave them – not by forgetting what they had done to him, but by remembering how God had turned their sinful actions into a way of saving many lives. Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring this to pass and to keep many people alive, as it is this day” (Genesis 50:19, 20).
Joseph did not hold a grudge. But he didn’t forget what his brothers had done to him, either. In the past, he recalled how his brothers had overpowered him, but when he was in a position of power, he didn’t do the same to them. He chose forgiveness. He blessed the ones who cursed him. He gave grain to the ones who ripped off his robe. He prayed for those who mistreated him. He warmly pressed his cheek against the faces of those who pounded their fists against his. And now, all these years later, Joseph promised, “Do not be afraid. I will nourish you and your little ones” (Genesis 50:21).
While you were growing up, your father was difficult and verbally abusive towards you. Now that you’re older and have children of your own, he is much softer and wants to have a relationship with you. But you keep him at arm’s length. He hurt you too badly to have him close to you again.
On more than one occasion your teenage daughter has stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind her, muttering under her breath. A time or two she has even said to your face, “I hate you!” You’ve had enough. You love her. But you can’t stand her.
Perhaps there are kids on the bus who give you a hard time on the way to school. Or you don’t receive recognition for your hard work in the workplace. Or your next-door neighbor is a pain in your backside.
What do you do?
The world will tell you to hold a grudge. To get even. To never let those people hurt you again.
Well-intentioned Christians, thinking they’re quoting the Bible or at least a biblical concept, will tell you the opposite. They’ll counsel you to “forgive and forget.”
So, what should you do?
The first is obviously wrong. But we all do it. We sinfully love to hold grudges. Holding a grudge makes us feel good. When we hold a grudge, the other person is the bad guy, and we are the righteous victims. We like to remember all the slights and wrongs people have done to us. We want to get even. This gives us a sense of power over that person and allows us to justify committing all sorts of other sins. They wronged me, so now I can speak badly about them to others. They wronged me, so now I don’t need to help and be a friend to them. They sinned against me, so I don’t need to forgive them.
As sanctified Christians, we know that’s a sinful attitude.
So, then we should forgive and forget, right? Not so fast. Is forgiving and then forgetting even possible? When someone hurts us, it isn’t like a bad soap opera where suddenly we get amnesia, we’ve forgotten everything, and so everything is suddenly better. We can’t forget. The scars are too deep. The hurts are too painful. The sins are too egregious. Our memory is too long.
Well-intentioned Christians are counseling us to “forgive and forget” … but we just can’t do it. It’s not humanly possible. So, now we have guilt on top of our grudges. There the unforgiveness sits – unresolved. It’s like a festering sore that never gets treated and doesn’t go away. It’s a constant source of irritation and pain. It ends up making us irritable and miserable all the time.
While many people believe forgetting an injury is part of forgiveness, it’s just the opposite. You can’t forget the hurts … but you can remember Christ’s forgiveness to apply to those hurts.
The way to deal with the hurts is to remove the debts others owe us. In the parable of the unforgiving servant, Jesus shows that forgiveness means no longer holding a person’s debt against them. A servant is forgiven an insurmountably large debt, but then he goes out and refuses to forgive another servant’s significantly smaller debt. The point of the parable is that we all owe a hopelessly insurmountable debt to God. But our heavenly King has forgiven that huge debt of our sins. Now we are to forgive the significantly smaller debts that are owed us by others.
Although it is humanly impossible for us to forgive and then forget, it is a divine promise that God forgives and forgets. The all-knowing God makes it clear, “I blot out your rebellious deeds for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins” (Isaiah 43:25). Again, the all-remembering God says of himself, “For I will forgive their guilt, and I will remember their sins no more” (Jeremiah 31:34). How wonderful that our God has divine amnesia when it comes to our sins.
Our God is like the master in Jesus’ parable. “Then the servant fell down on his knees in front of him, saying, ‘Master, be patient with me, and I will pay you everything!’ The master of that servant had pity on him, released him, and forgave him the debt” (Matthew 18:26, 27).
Except that God does not forgive our debt by simply cancelling it. The King’s Son – Jesus Christ – paid off our debt. Not with gold or silver, but with his holy, precious blood and his innocent suffering and death. Our King has turned his mercy on us his servants, because he treated his own Son as if he was the ungrateful servant.
God unleashed his righteous anger for thousands of years of humanity’s sins – not on us – but on Jesus. Jesus cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” because his heavenly Father had turned his back on his Son, so that he might turn his face towards us in blessing. When Jesus shouted on the cross, “It is finished,” he confirmed that the payment for every sin had been made for all time. All your sins have been taken away, removed, put on Jesus. “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). Your sins have been considered, counted, cleansed, and cleared.
Joseph was able to forgive his brothers because he understood the heart of God. He had experienced the mercy of God in his life and reflected that mercy by forgiving his brothers.
It’s natural for you to hold a grudge and refuse to forgive. But that only makes you emotionally - and maybe physically - sick. Refusal to forgive keeps you trapped in a prison of anger. Refusal to forgive leads to a false sense of moral superiority. Refusal to forgive poisons and embitters your spirit. Refusal to forgive motivates Christ to withhold the forgiveness you need. “But if you do not forgive people their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:15).
Here’s a better way: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). The forgiveness of Jesus gives you the power to
forgive others, to release old grudges, and to dismiss old grievances that you have been holding on for too long.
Because God doesn’t remember your sins anymore, now you can forgive, even when you can’t forget. You can save someone from the slavery of sin when you forgive them. You can release them from the dungeon of despair when you forgive them. And when you do, you might be surprised to discover that the one who has actually been freed is … YOU! Amen.
Therefore, be imitators of God as his dearly loved children. And walk in love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself for us, as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God (Ephesians 5:1, 2). Amen.